Post by JR on Feb 6, 2013 9:15:39 GMT -6
RETIRED HUSBAND
>
> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
> to Target.
>
> Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
> to get in and get out.
>
> Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
>
> Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
> Target:
>
>
> Dear Mrs. Harris,
>
>
> Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion
> in our store.
>
>
> We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of
> you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris,
> are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
>
> 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
> other people's carts when they weren't looking.
>
>
>
>
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
> 5-minute intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
> the women's restroom.
>
>
>
>
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
> voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
>
>
> This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a
> reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,
> causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a
> Code 3.
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
> layaway.
>
> 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
> children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
> from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
>
> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
> and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
>
> 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
> mirror while he picked his nose.
>
> 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
> the clerk where the antidepressants were.
>
> 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
> the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
>
> 12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
> using different sizes of funnels.
>
> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
> yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
>
> 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
> assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
>
> 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the
> fitting room?
>
> And last, but not least:
>
> 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
> and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
> the clerks passed out.
>
>
>
>
>
> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
> to Target.
>
> Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred
> to get in and get out.
>
> Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
>
> Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
> Target:
>
>
> Dear Mrs. Harris,
>
>
> Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion
> in our store.
>
>
> We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of
> you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris,
> are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
>
> 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
> other people's carts when they weren't looking.
>
>
>
>
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
> 5-minute intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
> the women's restroom.
>
>
>
>
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
> voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
>
>
> This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a
> reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,
> causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a
> Code 3.
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
> layaway.
>
> 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
> children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
> from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
>
> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
> and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
>
> 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
> mirror while he picked his nose.
>
> 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
> the clerk where the antidepressants were.
>
> 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
> the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
>
> 12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
> using different sizes of funnels.
>
> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
> yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
>
> 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
> assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
>
> 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the
> fitting room?
>
> And last, but not least:
>
> 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
> and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
> the clerks passed out.
>
>
>
>
