Merry Christmas By fflintstone (Read 992 times)

[fflintstone]

Merry Christmas everyone ,its finally bere,Christmas Eve,the day of last minute frantic gift shopping and turkey and dressing preparation for Chridtmas day,and of course the anticipation of the kids to see what Santa brought....we can hardly wait!!! Especially me!!!Now,this year all this Christmas holiday cheer is tempered by the tragedy at Sandy Hook...our prayers are with the families and friends...so,a very sober Merry Christmas to all,and let us all take a moment to reflect on the reason for the season...fflintstone

[JR]

Yep just hours until the kiddies open all those presents and ya have trash to the ceiling to clean up!

Let's see ham, green beans, corn on the cob, yeast rolls, etc. etc.! It's been a good year and we've even got a chance of snow on Christmas night!

Merry Christmas from all of my family to yours.

JR

[JR]

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every
Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor
pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went
in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at
Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse
yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?'
'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the
inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as
a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different
models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do
things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable
Thelma.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Thelma a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Thelma came to
life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning
hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose
with Thelma's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what
remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a
couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house
and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog
confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some
more.

We all agreed that Thelma should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the
family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas
dinner.

My grandmother noticed Thelma the moment she walked in the door. 'What the
hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the
dining room.

But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one
wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang
on!'

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and
said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's
friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Thelma. Not
just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might
be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who
was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Thelma made a noise like
my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel,
flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat
screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across
the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide
the cause of Thelma's collapse. We discovered that Thelma had suffered from
a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to
perfect health..

I can't wait until next Christmas.

[alleyoop]

GREAT STORY..LOL

And to all have a GREAT HOLIDAY and a VERY PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR, may all our scoots run like a raped ape
Alleyoop

[richardthescooter3]

Great story JR lol and a AMEN to that Alleyoop. ;)I also want to wish all the dear friends here on scooter professor a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday, thanks for your help this past year, I appreciate all the help, my scoot says thanks too

[wolfhound]

A Merry Christmass and to all a good night!!!

[terrilee]

happy holidays to all the great people on this site.
ya'll went above and beyond this year
not only for me , but for the 100's of posts ive read
Yinz guys are the salt of the earth.

the most important wisdom i can shed is
LOVE THOSE YOU LOVE, every day
CHERISH EVERY MOMENT
HUG THOSE WHO DEAR AND NEAR
AND CALL THOSE FAR AWAY

lots of love

terri Lee

[scootaway]

Merry xmas scooter friends and happy holidays to the politically correct ones. May God bless y'all

[billtrout]

Merry Christmas every one. Happy scootering.

[damin69]

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

[ccprof]

Happy Holidays to all! Wow - according to the news, we had our first white Christmas in 10 years. It snowed about 3 inches on Christmas Eve then most of it melted yesterday.

[JR]

Ha CC we got from 12 to 18" a big snow for Arkieland! Merry Christmas to you also.

JR